The "N" Word

For years, one word has plagued our society, segregating America.  This word has oppressed an entire race.  The term cultivates hatred amongst its users, and can even inspire them to the point of violence against those tagged with the derogatory word.  It's infected our culture, our media, our minds,  and I guarantee that you have used it, yourself.  I am, of course, talking about the infamous "N" Word.

Nerd.

My dad ruined any chance I had at a social life when I was six.  He taught me how to add double digit numbers.

Mrs. Percy, our first grade home room teacher stood at the front of the class, reviewing basic subtraction, while I was sneaking peeks at the last few chapters of our math book.

We weren't supposed to look ahead, so I would lift the corners of pages the slightest bit, and by subtly lying my head on the table and peering into the crack between the pages, I could make out a few words.  No one suspected a thing.    

"No one wants to guess how to add 15 + 8?" Mrs. Percy asked.

My hand had already shot up into the air, eager to share my newly acquired skill of double digit addition.  I was sitting in the front, but just in case she couldn't see me, I got up and knelt on the chair while waving my hand so I was a little more visible.  I also noticed it helped if I held my breath.

"Jordan, how about you?  Come on up to the board."

I reached the board, grabbed a piece of chalk, and systematically completed the problem.  5 + 8 = 13, 3, carry the 1, 1 + 1 = 2, 23.  Ta-da.  I remember getting really excited when I had the privilege of carrying the one and placing a fresh "1" above the ten's place.  It was like a friend had just come out to play.  "Oh, hello, number one.  Do you want to be added, too?"

If I had any friends, I would have shared my new found game with them.

I turned around and looked at the class, expecting a few cheers, a few high fives. Maybe I'd get to be captain for kickball during recess.

On my way back to my seat, I noticed everyone watching me; I felt so proud.  Then as I passed Frankie, my personal bully, he sneered and uttered "Nerd," under his breath.

It hit me hard like the first time you watch The Empire Strikes Back and Vader says "Luke, I am your father," (Spoiler Alert).  Suddenly, I could see it in every body's eyes:  they were glaring at me just like Frankie.  And that's when I realized: I was a nerd.

Thanks, Dad.

The human race has had a bad past of oppression, all of which get their fair amount of press and colorful rubber wrist bands, but what about nerd oppression?

The actual definition of "nerd" is widely disputed, partially because it's so McCarthyistically applied to anyone who seems different.  The word "nerd" originally appeared in Dr. Seuss's If I Ran the Zoo in 1950, however, a 1951 Newsweek article points to the use of "nerd" as a slang substitute for "square" in Detroit, Michigan.  It wasn't until the 1970's and the Fonz that the word "nerd" picked up its modern-day negative scholarly connotations and hit mainstream usage.

The original Nerd - If I Ran the Zoo by Dr. Seuss

Being a “nerd” is kind of like being a leper.  Try as you might to join the ranks of normal society again, it's a futile attempt, as it’s clear no one wants you.  Contrary to popular belief, it's not contagious, but people still keep their distance, just in case.  You live on your own.  If you're lucky, you'll meet other similarly afflicted people in quarantine, if they're not trying to avoid you as well.

Oh, and sometimes people throw stones at you.

As a nerd, by definition, you have no hope of making friends with normal people.  So you’ll have to identify other nerds to hang out with.  Here’s a handy field guide, for on-the-go identification.  

Unfortunately, nerdism is a self-perpetuating cycle.  No one wants to hang out with a nerd, lest they be deemed a N.B.A. (Nerd by Association).  Once you’re declared a nerd by your peers because they think you’re weird and undesirable to socialize with, they’ll avoid you even more because your title only makes your social undesirability official.

If you aren’t deemed a nerd because of your underdeveloped social skills, you’ll have little opportunity to improve them, anyway.  Nerds rarely gather enough practice with social interactions in their earlier years to function and interact with others normally, which only earns them more nerdiness.  The best you can do is hang out with other awkward nerds while comparing the application of Newtonian physics across Star Wars, Star Trek, and Battlestar Galactica.  Hint: Pick Battlestar.

Besides being socially restricted to a small corner, even interactions outside the nerd realm can be oppressive.  Nerds usually serve as a verbal punching bag (and sometimes physical) for people to warm up on, testing a few well placed insults before they have to deal with more formidable foes.  It does however act as a warning system for nerds so that they stay safely within the nerd herd.

As a nerd, you’re stuck in an oppressive infinite loop.  But there is only one way out. You have to accept your nerddom.

Recently, Nerds everywhere have stood up and embraced their Nerd Pride, the Reclamation of Nerddom.  Nerds grow into adults, and realize that nerddom, and even geekdom, have their own counterculture.  All of a sudden, it’s cool to be a nerd.

With the rise of the computer age, nerds like Bill Gates are becoming forces to be reckoned with.  Comic-book nerds like Zack Snyder make the movies you see (300, Watchmen), literature nerds write the blogs you read, and nerds of all types create the music you listen to (Nirvana, Weezer, Vampire Weekend); new genres of music have even been created for nerds by nerds, including “nerdcore” and "geeksta rap."  

Save your comic books, show off your action figures with pride, and enjoy being a nerd.  Chances are you’ll end up the founder of a successful start up company that collects historic action figures (museums are going to need them sometime!) or you’ll “make it so” with the next Star Trek inspired gadget (the cell phone, the bluetooth headset, the touch screen).

Few people realize nerds rule the world and the geek shall inherit the earth.

So to all you nerds out there, the oppression doesn’t last long.  It only makes you stronger.  Don’t worry about that weekly 3 o’clock appointment in the parking lot with a quarterback’s fist; he’ll be working for you in five years.