Thursday, September 25, 2008

Palin Essays

Palin is not the right choice for Vice President of America. She has not proved herself previously, why should the country believe she will make the changes she is fighting for. She has plenty of experience, yes, but was it positive experience, no. She harmed Alaskan economy and she will do the same for America. Many of the laws she wants to put in place have absolutely nothing to do with helping the American economy.
First, she cannot be as great nor have as much experience as she claims. For if she did, she would not have to keep trying to make Obama look bad. “Before I became governor of the great state of Alaska, I was mayor of my hometown. And since our opponents in this presidential election seem to look down on that experience, let me explain to them what the job involves. I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a “community organizer,” except that you have actual responsibilities.” This clearly states that she has to put down Obama’s accomplishments just to make hers look better.
Second, Palin’s views on issues such as contraceptives and gun control are not right for America. Palin is trying to ban contraceptives. Doesn’t the country have a great deal of more important issues to be dealing with? Yes! Palin’s views on abortion and birth control are definitely losing many republican supporters. She does not believe in birth control, condoms, or even an abortion from rape. Clearly, safe sex is not practiced in her house; proof would be five children, and a 17 year old pregnant unwed. How can a woman take control of American, when she does not even have control over her own family? I do not believe she is capable of putting these types of laws in place, but if she does manage it is just going to cause an increase in our tax dollars and raise the poverty rates in America.
Also, with Gun control and rights, we do not need any more fighting and shooting. Making it legal to own such huge weapons is only giving criminals more rights so shoot up a liquor store, or have more school shootings.
In addition, one can tell a lot about a person based on if they befriend animals. Palin does not. She shoots and hunts helpless animals. This is not helping America. Being a Vegetarian myself, I know how harmful it is to be killing all those defenseless animals. How much time, money and resources could be saved if one does not kill animals.
Then, we have to think would we really want to make Palin president, a woman who takes more time talking about herself then McCain in her first speech. She is obviously very high on herself, which is fine for most citizens, but not the vice president. Clearly she puts family first. “When she is receiving three am phone calls, is she going to be too busy with her new baby to care?” She is a family woman; a hockey mom, not a president.Last, the “Bridge to Nowhere” clearly shows how Palin would run the country. She could not even pick a side on this issue. One second it is a go, and the next second it is a no go. She clearly does not have her head screwed on right. Now as for a future leader of America, I know I would want someone who takes a particular stance on an issue, even if it was not my stance.
In Conclusion, Palin has plenty to say but why should one believe she is going to go through with it? Many Alaskan’s believe she has harmed their economy more then she has helped it. We need someone who can take our side and do what is best of us. Palin is not this person. Much of what she fights for has absolutely nothing to do with helping America.

Essay 2

In the words of Palin “Before I became governor of the great state of Alaska, I was mayor of my hometown. And since our opponents in this presidential election seem to look down on that experience, let me explain to them what the job involves. I guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a “community organizer,” except that you have actual responsibilities,” Palin delivered a remarkable speech towards the republican supporters on September 4th 2008. Being “the first person with a vagina” to be in the presidential election is a huge success for Palin; one can see why so many citizens are enthralled by her. She has won over plenty of people John McCain would not have on his side. Not only has she won over the hockey and communities moms but she has won over many Hilary supporters as well. She has the oil and gas industry on her side and many Alaskans. She will make a difference.
First, Palin proves she can handle responsibility. She is a mom of five children; the youngest being only a few months and unfortunately diagnosed Down syndrome. She has not only been a mother but has also been extremely involved in the community, going to hockey games and PTA meetings. She is in full support of special needs family and is going to help all of those in need but especially those with special needs children. “To the families of special-needs children all across this country, I have a message: For years, you sought to make America a more welcoming place for your sons and daughters. I pledge to you that if we are elected, you will have a friend and advocate in the White House.” I believe she will go through with this claim. Like me, she knows the time and pain it takes to care for someone with special needs. She has won over many Families on this concept alone.
Second, Sarah Palin and John McCain are going to change America by cutting back on the reliance on other countries for oil and gas. She says drilling pipelines and relying more on wind power, solar power and geothermal will make a huge difference in America. I believe this because living in a house with geothermal heat for over five years saved us hundreds in energy bills. Also geothermal is better for the environment because it does not send chemicals into the air. Having lived in Palm Springs for two years, one can see how powerful wind energy can be. Palin knows from firsthand experience how pipelines and more drilling can positively impact American economy. “Our opponents say, again and again, that drilling will not solve all of America’s energy problems — as if we all didn’t know that already. But the fact that drilling won’t solve every problem is no excuse to do nothing at all.” Yes, drilling will not solve everything but it can solve many problems, such as creating many job opportunities and lower taxes. I believe this because being from Calgary Alberta, one of the biggest oil provinces of North America, it is clearly seen. All the kids I went to school with dads were in the oil business. There is money to be made and many resources to do so. She has made change in Alaska, so if elected she would do the same here.
With Palin’s time focused towards increasing our own oil, gas and energy, this will significantly lower taxes. Without reliance on the outside, this will save us billions of dollars. Sarah says “The Democratic nominee for president supports plans to raise income taxes … raise payroll taxes … raise investment income taxes … raise the death tax … raise business taxes … and increase the tax burden on the American people by hundreds of billions of dollars. My sister Heather and her husband have just built a service station that’s now opened for business — like millions of others who run small businesses.” Sarah will return all of this money back to the citizens; she did so in Alaska, so why would one think otherwise. Palin with McCain will make America’s economy wealthier.
Third, Palin also is going to bring our soldiers home safely, with a victory in Iraq, making sure that nothing like 911 happens again. She, along with McCain have Children and nephews in the military; this is a huge benefit to America, because she has family over there she will be true on her word. McCain has also fought for our country as long as Obama has been alive. He knows the effort, strength, and pain our men go through every day to fight for us.
Some people would believe Palin is a hypocrite. For reasons such as: how can she be such a good mom, when he daughters pregnant; or she puts down Obama too much. These people are wrong because being a good mother does not mean your children will always make the right choices. Also Palin proves to have a great deal more experience then Obama, so she should be able to speak freely to prove she would be great for Vice President. If Obama is offended by this then maybe he should have some more experience before running for President. This goes to show that Sarah Palin is legit and not a hypocrite.
This all goes to show that, Palin becoming Vice President is exactly what this country needs right now. She has the brains, the power, and the experience to make America better. If we have an opportunity to make this already great country even better why would we not take that opportunity?

3 comments:

KaSondra Carver said...

I thought you essay was good. In essay number one just a suggestion that you should not end your conclusion with ... "in conlcusion..." you should just state new facts and not summerize. I think the first essay you take a stance that you do not like Palin. The second essay I think you portrayed a positive outlook on Palin's views and ideas.

jordanraabe said...

I'm curious as to what you chose as your two viewpoints? So far, one's a Vehement Vegetarian against Governor Palin, and the other is a Republican (or Hilary supporter) originally from Calgary Alberta, later Palm Springs, who takes care of a relative with special needs in a geothermally heated home. I'm interested to know how you define them.

I felt that both the personal views in both essays overpowered your ability to dissect Sarah Palin's speech. They both read more as summary's of why we should vote for Palin, rather than talk about how rhetorically effective she was in her delivery, substance, etc. of her speech.

Proof reading both essays would help a bunch as well, since there were a lot of missing commas, fragmented sentences, missing letters in words, and passive verbs. Sometimes it helps to have someone else read your essay to catch the things your mind would gloss over.

Also, when you use words like "clearly" or "obviously" in an essay, I felt like it softened the effect of what you were trying to say. You're trying to convince your reader of something in your essay, and the use of those words lost me. Maybe I don't necessarily agree that it "obviously" proves this or that. Convince me.

ESSAY ONE

Even though we know who you are talking about, I feel like it would be a smoother transition into the essay if you used Sarah Palin's full name the first time at least. Starting off with "Palin" is a little abrupt. Also, by opening with

"Palin is not the right choice for Vice President of America."

First, there should be a "the" in front of Vice President. However, by opening with this sentence, you lead the reader to believe that is what the essay is about.

Your third and fifth sentences are both questions, but you forgot to add a question mark. That happens a few more times throughout the essay as well. Pay attention to punctuation, there are a lot of misplaced or missing commas as well.

You seemed only to focus on Palin's personal views, like banning birth control and her passion for hunting. You also go on the attack, claiming that Palin is "reckless" for having five kids... It's a stretch to imply that she has five kids because she cannot control her own family.

You use a quote in the middle of your second to last paragraph, but I have no idea where it comes from. If it does come from the Palin speech (which I haven't read), but if it is, it doesn't prove she "clearly... puts family first." All it does is question whether she will be.

SECOND ESSAY

Your essay suffers from instilling your own information too much. With phrases like "I believe this because living in a house with geothermal heat for over five years saved us hundreds in energy bills," I don't feel like you're adding much to your argument. You've proved that you're convinced, but you haven't convinced your reader. Similarly with "Like me, she knows the time and pain it takes to care for someone with special needs." Focus on Palin... but don't call her Sarah.

Also, do a grammar check.

professorjfox said...

She has not proved herself previously, why should the country believe she will make the changes she is fighting for.

Comma Splice

She has plenty of experience, yes, but was it positive experience, no.

This isn’t a sentence. Try this: Does she have plenty of experience? Yes. Was it positive? No.

Don’t combine interrogative sentences with declarative ones (questions with normal ones).

Put line breaks between each paragraph.

The bold statement at the beginning might be a good hook, but you have a lot of defense, exceptions, qualifications and examples to make if you start like that.

Yes! Palin’s views on abortion and birth control are definitely losing many republican supporters. : Don’t you mean Democrat?

Clearly, safe sex is not practiced in her house; proof would be five children, : The phrase is birth control, and if she didn’t practice birth control, she would have twelve children, not five. I think what she believes in is not passing out condoms in schools, so don’t misrepresent her actual beliefs. Also, avoid Ad Hominem.


Paragraphs are sloppy. Each one needs a clearly defined topic, but you shift from one thing to another.

In addition, one can tell a lot about a person based on if they befriend animals. Palin does not. She shoots and hunts helpless animals. This is not helping America. Being a Vegetarian myself, I know how harmful it is to be killing all those defenseless animals. How much time, money and resources could be saved if one does not kill animals. : I think this is a great argument, but you don’t lay it out very well. This is a vegetarian perspective on Palin, which is great. But how exactly would this bar her from the position of VP? Make your case.

“When she is receiving three am phone calls, is she going to be too busy with her new baby to care?” : Where does this quote come from?

Beware of starting paragraphs with First, Second, and avoid “In Conclusion” for conclusion.

Essay Two:

“the first person with a vagina” I don’t think sets the right tone for the essay, and who said it? Attribute the quote to them, either with a hyperlink or by mentioning their name.

This is breathless with its praise, and therefore not very convincing. How can you carefully evaluate this speech and critique so that Palin still comes out looking good?

Although I understand that you’re Canadian and thus are outside some of the American political discussions, I think you didn’t do badly at all when it came to actual content. Most of your trouble came when trying to divide paragraphs, or defending certain ideas. In fact, I think you happened upon ideas (like the geothermal bit and the Don’t-Kill-Animals bit) that no one else came up with. So you’re good on the ideas section, but you don’t defend them as well as you could.

For instance:
Some people would believe Palin is a hypocrite. For reasons such as: how can she be such a good mom, when he daughters pregnant; or she puts down Obama too much. These people are wrong because being a good mother does not mean your children will always make the right choices. Also Palin proves to have a great deal more experience then Obama, so she should be able to speak freely to prove she would be great for Vice President. If Obama is offended by this then maybe he should have some more experience before running for President. This goes to show that Sarah Palin is legit and not a hypocrite. : : : : : This CA is not sophisticated enough. Sentences are awkward, and you don’t fully rebut the opposition, or provide enough support for your ideas.